5.10
Alcohol on college campuses has become a hazard to the education of the nation’s youth.
Just this past weekend, three students from the Alpha Beta Zeta fraternity were admitted to the local hospital for alcohol poisoning after attending a party at the ABZ house, according to the university’s public relations office.
Since the majority of drinking on college campuses is done at fraternity parties University president Harvey Smithville had previously restated the policy banning alcohol from fraternity houses on campus or within campus environs.
“Any fraternity in which the members have alcohol will be immediately suspended,” said Smithville. “A second offense within a year will result in the banning of that fraternity for five years.”
Due to this policy and evidence gathered by an investigation of the fraternity by the University, president Smithville has decided to suspend the fraternity and all its activities on campus.
Interfraternity Council president Bart Addison who agreed with president Smithville and supported the policy is calling for leniency.
“I do not believe the entire fraternity should be held responsible for the actions of a few,” said Addison. “I am going to ask President Smithville to reconsider his suspension of the ABZs.”
The three students taken to the hospital were: Press Martin, a junior; Al Amalek, a freshman and Rob Smith, a sophomore. Martin and Smith were released from the hospital on Monday, while Amalek is still there listed in critical condition.
Hey Scott,
I did not really find any problems concerning punctuation or grammar, but there a just a few structural techniques I’d change.
1. In the third paragraph when you said that most of the drinking on college campuses is done at fraternities seems to generalized. Not everyone drinks at fraternity houses, and some colleges do not even have fraternities.
2. In the seventh paragraph you made ABZ plural, but ABZ is just one fraternity unless your referring to the students involved in that fraternity.
3. The last paragraph should be moved right after the second paragraph because your talking about the students involved which is important to the reader. Also it supports your previous statement.
1. Matt’s point about your generalization in the 3rd graf is a good one. Do you have evidence to support that?
2. Your lead seems pretty vague and not newsy — and an opinion, to boot.
3. That Smithville quote doesn’t seem to do that much work.